Rewriting History
by RoyalSapphire1
Summary: Learning that The First still has plans for him, Spike decides to take himself out of Buffy's life for good. Traveling back in time, he sets his sights on killing the fledgling vamp William the Bloody, before he becomes the infamous Spike. S/B WIP
1. The Decision

Title: Rewriting History

Author: RoyalSapphire

Summary: Learning that The First still has plans for him, Spike decides to take himself out of Buffy's life for good. Traveling back in time, he sets his sights on killing the fledgling vamp William the Bloody, before he becomes the infamous Spike. Post "First Date." S/B

Notes: Spoilers up to and including "First Date."

Feedback: Yes, it would be greatly appreciated. So please, please, please R/R!

Distribution: Please just ask

Disclaimer: Joss owns everything, I'm just borrowing it.

***

Chapter One: The Decision

Spike couldn't live with himself, or actually unlive with himself. He had caused her too much pain and suffering throughout the years. Now, he had to live with his latest disaster, The First using him to destroy her. His soul couldn't deal with the reality of it. He loved her, actually loved her with the whole of his unbeating heart. He had to find a way to make things right. He knew he would always be beneath her. He never doubted it. He also knew that they could never be together in the end. She deserved so much better. Hell, she didn't even want him soul or no soul, chip or no chip, he was evil. Yes she had told him that she believed in him. But that wasn't the same. And now that The First had plans for him to help with the upcoming apocalypse, it was all just too much.

It was in his musing that the thought struck him. What if . . . William the Bloody had never been turned? What if he could stop it from happening? He couldn't kill Dru! She meant too much to him. She had made him who he was now and he loved her for it. He never would have met Buffy if she hadn't turned him all those years ago. But it would save the love of his unlife from so much pain. Then it dawned on him that if he killed Dru, he'd still have Angelus to deal with. Angelus would take revenge on anyone that harmed his childe, leaving Spike's own human mother to Angelus' wrath. No, it was better to go back and kill William, after he was turned. That would end all of Buffy's suffering at his hands.

Now, to find the right spell, or amulet to open a time portal. A week before he was turned would be good. It would give him enough time to put his affairs in order. Actually, it would probably take him a week just to see his solicitor. He'd make a few investments, to keep his mother in comfort for the rest of her life. It was a good plan, he thought. Now, how was he going to go about finding a way to do it? He'd need some very strong Magic. He couldn't go to Red, she'd run and tell Buffy the minute his back was turned. Where to look?

Spike had "borrowed" a few of Giles more potent magic books. He felt guilty about it, but he'd make sure they were returned to him.

Spike had been going through them for over three weeks. He had stashed them in his old crypt, now Clem's new home. Clem didn't seem to mind him hanging around reading or doing anything else for that matter. Spike spent every free moment there. He barely ate, or did much else other than pour over the texts. He had even let his hair grow out. When Buffy noticed it, he only shrugged. He hardly spoke to anyone, so intent was he on his new mission. Though, after one of Xander's comments on how much he 'stank', and Buffy's confirmed agreement with it, Spike did finally decided to take a shower. He left his hair though, he needed to fit in back home, and everyday he was looking more and more like his old self; William the Bloody Awful Poet.

Spike went back to some of his old haunts. He had to find what he needed. He was trying to avoid Willy's. Too many people there knew about his soul. Only of course, that is where the one demon that might know something was supposed to be. "Gacar," Spike said as he walked up to the hairy demon at the bar, at Willy's.

"Spike! You reek of humanity!" The demon answered, before turning around and ignoring him completely.

Spike grabbed the demon's chest hairs, and pulled him around to face him. Spike went into game face, his eyes glowing he growled, "That won't stop me from ripping your bloody head off! Now, I hear you have some information for me." He hated the way he was forced to act to get information. He hated the soulless demon he had been. But it was his only hope to save Buffy.

Gacar made a gurgling noise, then, "You heard wrong."

Spike yanked a tuft of the demon's hair out, as he threw him across the room. Gacar crashed into the wall and landed on top of a nearby table. The large table gave way and splintered into multiple pieces. Spike came to stand above him, dropping the handful of hair on top of Gacar. "I can start your hair removal anytime now. Just say the word -or not-, as the case may be. It's up to you mate." Spike had a hard time backing up his threat. He didn't want to hurt anyone. Only he kept reminding himself that he was doing this for her.

Gacar must not have liked the threat of being hairless. He growled as he rose. "Spike you demon bastard!"

Spike stood his ground. He couldn't back down. Not now! Not when he was so close.

Willy stepped between them, "Now, now I run a nice establishment here."

They both looked at him as if he were crazy.

Willy stepped toward Spike and in a low voice he said, "Hit me!"

Spike was confused for just the briefest of moments. He didn't want to hit anyone. But then he took a swing at Willy. The man crashed to the floor with a hard thump. Willy looked up at Spike bewildered. It dawned on the vampire that Willy didn't know he had his chip removed.

In a mumbled voice, Willy spoke through his swelling jaw. "Riglartra. You want to get it from Monllon. It's what you're looking for isn't it?" He had to get Spike out of his bar before he destroyed the little that was now left. He knew he wouldn't be very popular with a number of demons for telling. But what the hell, he had the only decent bar in town. Even in its current state.

Spike had heard that name before. It was very familiar. He pulled Willy up by his shirt front. "Where can I find this Monllon?"

Willy hadn't been this nervous around Spike since before his chip. "I . . . I don't know! Really!" he stammered.

When Spike realized what he found himself doing, he dropped Willy and left the bar.

He entered his crypt some time later and began to go through the books once again. He was certain the name was familiar and must be in one of the books he had been going through. Clem came in a little later, with what Spike suspected was a female demon of some kind. "Spike, you're still here," Clem said, in a surprised tone.

"Yeah, looking for some information." He returned his gaze to his studies.

Clem led his date to the chair, and then went over to Spike. "Listen, I know this is really your crypt and all. But, it's hard for me to get any girl to come back with me. Especially one as fine looking as Bulhanly. Can't you come back tomorrow to finish up?" Clem's eyes pleaded with Spike.

"Oh fine. There's nothing in these bleedin' books about the Riglartra amulet or Monllon anyway!" Spike was completely exasperated. No one would talk about Monllon or where to even find the demon.

"Monllon? Why are you looking for Monllon? And what's she have to do with the Riglartra amulet?" Clem asked in wonderment.

Spike's head came up. He could tell from the tone of Clem's voice that he knew something about this demon. "She has the Riglartra amulet. Clem old mate, what do you know about Monllon?" There was a hint of excitement in his voice as he held an unneeded breath.

"We used to date a while back, but she became too demanding. Didn't like me eating my Bugles." He sounded almost lovelorn over her.

Spike jumped to his feet. "Clem, I need to see her right away. It's a matter of life and death."

"I don't know. She can be pretty nasty. I once saw her rip an Antora Demon's head off, all because he said "Hello." You really don't want to go messing with her Spike. Believe me, you're better off finding some other way to time travel."

"Look, I don't have much time. The amulet's my only hope. Haven't I done you a huge favor by letting you keep my crypt after I came back? It's got cable and a fridge." Spike gave him a look that said he was being ungrateful by not helping him in his time of need. "Bloody hell Clem, I have to have the amulet. Now!" Spike couldn't deny the desperation in his eyes, the amulet truly was his only hope at this point.

Clem's date completely forgotten, he said, "All right! I'll take you to her. But don't say I didn't warn you."

They were walking out the door, when Clem stopped short. "Bulhanly, pop a tape in the machine and I'll be back in a bit. I'll pick you up some of those nice mice you like to eat." He smiled at her. She just grunted something in her demon language, but Clem seemed to understand. "Women," he said, once the door was closed behind them.


	2. Monllon and the Floppy Eared Love Muffin

Chapter Two: Monllon and the Floppy Eared Love Muffin

Monllon lived in a cave on the outskirts of town. It didn't take Clem long to find the entrance. He knocked on the wall, and called out "Hello! Monllon, it's me your floppy eared love muffin."

Spike almost choked on his laughter, when he heard the pet name. He controlled himself though. This was serious! He couldn't get himself killed until he was ready to kill himself. What would the point be if he couldn't stop William from becoming the now infamous 'Spike'?

They ventured deeper into the cave, until they came to a lit area. In the center was a reptilian looking creature. Around its neck was a small amulet about the size of a silver dollar. "Muffin," it said in a slow, almost hiss-like, voice.

"Monllon. Hi! How have you been?" Clem was getting tongue tied, he didn't seem to know what else to say.

"You've come back." The hissing sound continued. "I knew you would."

Clem shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe we can work something out. You and me."

"I'd like that. You know I've missed you."

"Yeah, I've missed you too."

Clem's nervousness was starting to rub off on Spike, he could feel the tension building within him. He finally nudged Clem.

"Oh, sorry. Monllon, this is my friend Spike."

Spike was surprised that Clem had called him his friend. No one had done that in decades, and meant it at least.

"I need a favor." Clem mustered up all his courage to continue. "He needs the Riglartra amulet."

Monllon came to her feet, standing almost seven feet high on her hind legs. "How dare you come here to ask me for a favor for some worthless Vampire!" She was a true woman scorned as she finished, "You don't really care for me, you just want to use me." She took a step closer to them. "What could you possibly want with my amulet?"

Spike stepped in front of Clem, in a protective stance. "I need to go back in time and take care of a problem."

"What problem could you possibly have?" Her words were curt and cruel.

What problem could he have? He could tell her a thing or two about problems. Then he decided that that was exactly what he would do. She was female after all. A woman scorned might just see what he was going to do as being heroic, to sacrifice his own life to save his lady love. So, he told Monllon his entire tale. By the conclusion of it, he had her in tears.

"If only someone loved me that well," she sobbed. "Here." She took the amulet from her neck and handed it to him. "Your Buffy must be a very special woman."

"She is. She's the love of my entire existence," he replied as he took the amulet and left.


	3. Little Marshmallows and Goodbyes

Chapter Three: Little Marshmallows and Good-byes

It was in the early morning hours that Spike returned to the Summers' house. He had a note he had written to Buffy in one pocket of his denim jacket, and the amulet of Riglatra in the other. He was just going to leave the note on the coffee table and go. But then he heard it. There was someone in the kitchen. He hadn't expected it at this late hour.

He slipped down the hallway to peak inside the kitchen. There she was, Buffy in all her glory. She was wearing her pajama bottoms and tank top as per usual, he smiled to himself. Spike stayed and watched her much too long. But he couldn't help himself. He turned to leave when a familiar voice stopped him.

"Spike, want some hot chocolate with me? I have little marshmallows."

How could he resist? Buffy, hot coca and little marshmallows. "How can I say no to little marshmallows?" He smiled at her.

Spike sat down on one of the kitchen stools and waited for his hot chocolate.

Buffy placed a mug in front of him as she asked, "Where have you been all night?"

"I had things to do," was all he said.

She sat down across from him. "Do you think that's wise? I mean with The First still around somewhere shouldn't you stay closer to home?"

Home? He almost laughed. This wasn't his home. Although he truly wished that it was. "Buffy, let me do what I can to help, my way. All right luv?" He stopped cold when he realized what he had called her.

Buffy noticed his discomfort and patted his hand. "Look Spike, I know you're trying to help. But I'd feel better if you were around more. When The First does show up again, it'll be nice to know you have my back covered."

Spike didn't know what to say. He lowered his eyes to his mug. How could he tell her he was afraid of what The First might make him do next? How could he tell her that he wouldn't be there for her? That he was leaving? Finally he raised his eyes to hers. "Buffy, you know I'll do everything I can to protect you."

"I know." She gave him a small smile. They both knew that what they were facing was like no other evil that they had ever come up against.

He finished off his hot coca, still determined to leave. He couldn't allow The First to use him against her. Even if he wanted to stay and help her, protect her . . . . love her.

Spike waited for Buffy to rinse their mugs and then walked her to the bottom of the stairs. "Buffy," Spike said as he looked at her, trying to burn her image into his memory one last time. He gazed at her for the longest moment. Then he leaned in and kissed her. He knew he shouldn't. He knew it was wrong after all he had done to her. But he had to, he couldn't help himself. Just one last kiss good-bye.

Buffy's arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled him to her. Instinctually, he embraced her and deepened their kiss. It was bittersweet for Spike, and he savored the moment. Finally, he pulled away, "Goodbye my love," was all he said, before turning around and walking out the front door.

Buffy stood there in momentary shock. Spike had said "my love," not his usual "luv," which he had been avoiding since his return. Then it slowly dawned on her that he had also said "Goodbye."

She ran to the front door and threw it open, but he was gone. Buffy shouted his name. She didn't care what time it was, or who she might wake at such an early hour. But there was no answer. Only silence.


	4. The Letter

Chapter Four: The Letter

Dawn came bounding down the stairs when she heard her sister yelling Spike's name. "Buffy," she shouted. "What's wrong? What did Spike do now?" She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her sister. Buffy was crying, the sobs wracking her body. "My God Buffy, what did he do to you?"

Dawn led her sister to the couch. Then she sat down on the coffee table in front of her.

Buffy tried to gain some semblance of composure. Taking a deep, somewhat calming breath she finally answered. "He left. Dawnie, he just left."

"He'll be back. He always comes back." Dawn tried to comfort her.

"Not this time. This time it was different. This time he said 'Goodbye!'"

Dawn's face dropped. That sounded decidedly wrong. "Spike always comes back. He wouldn't leave." Dawn tried to find something to say to comfort her sister. Even if she still had her problems with Spike, Buffy needed it. "Not with The First still around. He couldn't. He wouldn't! Buffy you've got to be wrong. He loves you. He'd die for you and we all know it."

"Not this time," Buffy said as she gave Dawn a chilling look.

Dawn shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Averting her eyes from her sister, she looked down at the table. There on top of a video was an envelope with Buffy's name scrolled elegantly across it. They both knew who it was from. "Maybe this will explain it?" Dawn said as she handed the note to her sister.

Buffy quickly opened the envelope and pulled out the parchment paper. She began to read.

_Dearest Buffy,_

_I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering I've caused you and all those that you love. And I'm afraid of what I may end up doing to you now. I love you with every breath, or non-breath, of my being. I thought I could never make amends for what I've done, but I've found a way to make it all right. I'm going to end the suffering I've caused you. Although you won't remember any of it, know that I love you. I'll always love you. You are my heart and my soul, my destiny guided by your beauty effulgent. Without you all I am is ashes. My love for you is eternal and all consuming. You are my life._

_Eternally Yours,_

_Spike_

The poetic style was most definitely William's. But it didn't make much sense. Not the part about him fixing it and her not remembering. She had to find him. Buffy ran upstairs and pounded on Willow's door.

"What's going on?" Willow asked as she opened the door. She had just fallen back to sleep after being woken from one of Buffy's fights with Spike.

"Spike's gone! I need you to do a locating spell, right away." There was desperate urgency in her voice.

"Buffy, what happened?" Willow asked as she began to gather what she needed for the spell.

"I don't know. I knew he was being more distant than usual. But to leave? I never thought he would." Buffy handed Willow the note from Spike. "He left this behind. Will, I have to find him!"

Willow took a moment to read the note. There was no denying the look of total shock on her face.

Willow tried to lighten the mood, "that is awful poetry," though it didn't help.

"Will," Buffy cried out, "this is serious."

Willow gave the letter back to Buffy, with a distraught look in her eyes, "Oh Buff! We'll find him. I promise." She laid out a map of the area and cast the spell. They waited and waited. Nothing happened. "He's not here Buffy."

"What do you mean he's not here? I just saw him! He couldn't have gotten far."

"I know. But he's not here. I can't pick him up anywhere. It's like he's disappeared, Buff."

Willow wouldn't say what they were both thinking. That Spike had gone and taken his own life. He had tried to once before, when the initiative had first put the chip in his head. But that was before he had his soul. The thought frightened her to the core. Buffy wouldn't accept Willow's answer. Spike had to be somewhere. She wouldn't give into the idea that he was actually dust.


	5. On His Trail

Chapter Five: On His Trail

Buffy left the house in a hurry, she had to find Spike. She started her search at his old crypt. Throwing open the door, as she had done hundreds of times before, she burst inside. On top of the sarcophagus in the dim candle light she could just make out two figures having sex. How dare he? How dare he profess his love and then go to the arms of another woman? And on _their_ sarcophagus no less?

Buffy stomped over to them, pulling off the sheet covering the writhing bodies. She bellowed, "Spike, what the hell are you doing?" She knew she had no right, but she couldn't help herself.

Buffy stood there in shocked horror as embarrassment spread over here cheeks. It wasn't Spike at all, but . . . "Clem!" she choked.

Clem grabbed the sheet back to cover himself and his date. "Buffy!" He couldn't look at her. She wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment from her seeing him so unclothed or something else. Though it was the something else that she was dreading.

"Spike's not here!"

"Do you know where he is?"

He still wouldn't look at her. "No!" he said emphatically. He had promised Spike not to tell her. After he had heard his tale with Monllon, how could he not feel for Spike's sacrifice?

"Clem! If you're lying to me--" she didn't finish the threat.

He looked up at her and in all honesty said, "I don't know where you can look for him." It was the truth, Spike was no longer in this time, or millenium for that matter.

Buffy tried to calm herself. Taking her frustrations out on Clem wouldn't help the situation.

Before she left she asked, "If you hear from him let me know. I need to see him!"

***

Buffy headed over to Willy's to see if anyone had come across Spike. It was just past daybreak, but Willy's was still open. As she entered the bar she noticed the remnants of a fight, but just shrugged it off. Demons were always fighting amongst themselves.

Buffy went straight to Willy. He was standing behind the bar with his back to her. "Willy." her voice was as smooth as silk. He turned and she couldn't miss his large swollen jaw. "What happened to you? Or should I say who?" She had never seen Willy look so bad.

"Your pal Spike," he said, as he glared at her.

"Spike!" She looked shocked. What had she done? Had she been wrong about having his chip removed? "Why would Spike hit you?" she asked suspiciously.

"He was looking for information," Willy said through his swollen lips. "When I told him to hit me, I didn't think he'd do such a good job!"

"What was he looking for?" She glared at Willy when he remained silent. "Look, I can make it so you won't eat solid foods for some time."

"I can't now," he mumbled.

Buffy just smiled, as he finally caught her meaning.

"All right Slayer. He was looking for the Riglartra amulet."

"The Riglartra amulet. What does it do?" She was afraid to ask but she had to know.

"It's a time portal amulet. You can go anywhere, anyplace, anytime!"

Oh my God! What had he done? "What did you tell him?' Her tone was harsh even to her own ears.

"I told him Monllon has it."

"Where can I find this Monllon?"

"I . . . I don't know!" He didn't want to be hit anymore tonight.

Buffy just glared at him. Somehow Spike must have found the demon. "Then who would know?" She was about to loose her temper.

"I don't know. Really! He asked, and when I told him I didn't know, he just left." Willy was getting nervous and couldn't seem to hold still.

Buffy was at her wit's end. How was she supposed to find this demon? Grabbing his shirt front she growled, "Willy! You hear things all the time. Where's Monllon?"

He was squirming even more than usual. "I told you. I don't know!"

Buffy was just about to land her first punch when a gruff voice called out, "I know where she is. And for the right price, I'll take you there."

Buffy turned to see a large, hairy demon. It looked like a chunk of its chest hair had been ripped out. "What's your price?" Buffy would have paid anything to find Spike, but she didn't want the demon to know how desperate she was.

"You lookin' for Spike?"

"Yeah. What's it to you?"

"I'll take you to Monllon, but in payment, I want you to pulverize that vampire bastard!"

"Oh I will. You just hold up your end of the deal." Buffy wasn't about to tell this demon that she had that exact same thought going through her head. How dare Spike walk away from her? Especially when she needed him more than ever. She'd thrash him to within an inch of his life if she ever found him.


	6. Girl Talk

Chapter Six: Girl Talk

It didn't take the demon long to show her the cave at the edge of town. "There it is," he said, as he pointed with a gnarled finger. Then he turned and left Buffy standing alone in the early morning light.

With all stealth of the Slayer, Buffy entered the cave. She could hear weeping coming from up ahead. Was there someone in trouble? They sounded so sad. Did they think they would never be rescued? Well, today was there lucky day. They had a Slayer to save them.

Buffy was all ready to rescue some poor victim from the clutches of an evil demon. Only when she stepped into the cavern it was the demon who was crying.

Looking at the creature, she realized that not all demons were evil. Look at Clem, she thought. He was like a big floppy puppy. Always trying to make you happy and lift your spirits. Except for that first time they met over kitten poker. That still grossed her out. Buffy cleared her throat and asked, "Are you all right?"

Monllon hissed, "What do you want here?"

"I'm looking for a vampire. Have you seen any?" Buffy was staying close to the exit and as far away from the reptilian monster as she could.

Monllon rose up to her full height and hissed, again. "What do you want with a vampire?" Her sobs lessened as she continued. "Just who exactly are you?"

"The Slayer."

"What do you want with Spike?" Monllon hissed.

"Oh I don't know, maim him, torture him perhaps. Slay him?"

"You want to slay Spike! After all he's sacrificing for you?" Monllon began to sob even harder. "Why you ungrateful . . . human!"

"All he's sacrificing for me?" Buffy began to be outraged. "I need him here with me to fight The First and instead he leaves me? What kind of sacrifice is that? To just walk out? What kind of sacrifice is it when you desert the people that are counting on you?"

Monllon gave her a shocked look of horror. "You don't know! He didn't tell you?"

"Don't know what?" Buffy's anger and frustration were coming to the forefront. "He didn't tell me _what_?" All reason went out of her head as she stepped closer to the demon.

"He's going to sacrifice himself to save you from the heartbreak that he's caused you."

She already knew that from the letter, but what did it mean. "How?" Buffy had a strange feeling that Monllon knew his intentions.

The demon began to weep even harder. "It's so romantic. He's going to end his life as a vampire before it even has a chance to begin. I wish someone loved me that much. You're such a lucky girl."

Lucky? Lucky! She couldn't believe her ears. How was she lucky, to have Spike wanting to kill himself for her? To save her, from the pain and sorry he had caused her. That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him! Here and now. By her side. Fighting the good fight. Just like always.

"Where is the Riglartra amulet!"

"I gave it to him, of course. How could I not after his heart-wrenching tale?"

"Well, where can I get one? I need to find him."

"It's one of a kind! I'm sorry! I don't know anyone who has anything you can use."

Buffy's shoulder's slumped as she turned and walked away from the reptilian demon and out of the cavern. What was she to do now? _Think Buffy think_, she kept repeating to herself as she ran from the cavern and headed home as quickly as her feet would go.

Buffy entered the house and was still panting from her sprint. Willow and Dawn were waiting for her. Buffy quickly explained what Willy had told her, and then her encounter with Monllon.

"If he went back to get rid of William, that would explain his cryptic note," Buffy said. Somehow she just knew that that had been his intention all along. She had to stop him before he rewrote history. "I need an amulet or spell. Find me something Will!"

Buffy gave Willow a look that both Willow and Dawn knew all too well.

"Buff, are you sure you want me to do this?"

"Yeah Buffy, look what he's done to you? He may be a great fighter, but . . . relationship wise? Buffy he tried to rape you. Wouldn't we all be better off if he had never come around in the first place?" Dawn's words were harsh, but true.

"I need him . . . to fight The First." Was all she'd admit to.

Both girls looked at Buffy as though she were crazy if she thought either one of them believed that was the only reason. Everyone it seemed, except Buffy and Spike, knew they were in love with each other. It hadn't all been one-sided on Spike's part, as Buffy wanted everyone to believe.

"I'll see what I can come up with," Willow said.

Willow woke Anya up to help. She knew a lot about demons - having once been one herself - and amulets.

The three girls searched through the books, while Buffy paced the length of the living room and back again.

"Here!" Anya said. "This should do it." She handed Willow the book.

Willow scanned it and then groused, "We don't want to send her to another universe!"

"Well you said find something for another time and place. What would you call that?"

Ignoring Anya, Willow and Dawn went back to their perusing.

"How about stopping for some ice cream?" Anya interjected.

Buffy stopped in her tracks and gave Anya a withering look.

"Well I'm hungry," she said, before going back to reading.

Two hours later Buffy thought it was hopeless. Spike would succeed in erasing himself from her life forever.

"Yippee!" Dawn screeched as she jumped up from her chair.

Willow took the book from her, and her face dropped. "Dawnie, this amulet can only be used once."

"So make it stronger," she said with glee in her eyes.

"It's not that easy Dawnie. This amulet takes a lot of magic."

"You're a powerful Wicca Will you can do anything."

There was no denying the hopefulness in Buffy's hazel eyes.

Willow knew she had to try, no matter how daunting it would be.


	7. Halloween Revisited

Chapter Seven: Halloween Revisited

It was mid-afternoon when Willow and Anya returned from the newest magic shop. Sunnydale had a few these days.

Willow made a circle in sand, in the living room. Sitting in its center, with all the ingredients, she diligently began to work. It wasn't long before she had the amulet made.

"Done!" she yelled as she stepped out of the circle. "It was easier than I thought."

"Well, I'm ready. How does it work?" asked Buffy.

Willow, Anya and Dawn just looked at her. She was wearing her usual attire of jeans and a blouse.

Anya as usual stated the obvious, "You can't go back like that. They'll think you're a heretic!"

Buffy looked down at her clothes. Anya was right. "Now what am I going to do?"

Dawn smiled "I've got it!" She ran up to the attic and came back down 15 minutes later with a large box in her hands. "Mom kept your dress from Halloween."

"Dawnie that's an enchanted dress," Buffy practically screeched. The whole Halloween episode came flooding back to her in an instant. Buffy cringed at the reminder of becoming a helpless noblewoman that fateful night. Even all these years later, she didn't want to think about it.

"No it's not. Remember Giles broke the spell. Ask him if you don't believe me."

Buffy couldn't ask him. He'd be furious if he knew what she was about to do. Instead she said, "But I don't think it's from the right time period." She was trying to find a way out of wearing it.

"What choice do you really have?" Anya asked. "It's the closest thing we've got, right? Unless you have something else hideously pink and frilly, hidden away in your closet."

Buffy and Willow both gave her a glaring look.

"I am right, "Anya grumbled under her breath.

"All right, I'll try it on. What choice do I really have anyway?" She hated the fact that Anya was right. "Will can you help me?"

Willow and Buffy went upstairs. Once the door to Buffy's room was closed she tuned to her friend. "If I go all wonky, get it off me."

Willow nodded in agreement. "No problem there."

It took Buffy longer to get dressed then she thought it would. She had forgotten just how many layers came with the costume's underskirt. Willow tried to help her dress her hair but she was having a problem.

Dawn and Anya entered shortly later. "What's taking you so long?" Anya asked the pair. She took in Buffy's aggrieved look and Willows hands in Buffy's hair, which now seemed to resemble a rat's nest.

"That's not how it's done," Anya stated as she moved Willow out of the way. "Here let me show you. I was around then, you know!"

In what seemed like no time at all, Anya had Buffy's hair up in a decorative style.

Buffy stood and looked in the mirror, she almost didn't recognize herself. Taking a deep breath she asked, "Now what?"

Willow handed Buffy the amulet. "Hold it in your hand, think of where you want to be and then wish yourself there. But remember that you have to be careful with it, it's very fragile."

"Gotcha." She smiled. Buffy then hugged each girl in turn, kissing Dawn's cheek as well. "All right! Wish me luck." She took another deep breath, "Here I go."

"How do you plan on finding him?" Anya asked.

Buffy stopped at that. How was she going to find him? She wasn't sure where or when William was actually turned. She only knew the year. "Don't worry, I got it covered. I'm The Slayer. You know The Chosen One and all?" Buffy closed her eyes, with the amulet in hand, and made her wish. When she opened her eyes, she was in London, England.


	8. The Lady's Indiscretion

Chapter Eight: The Lady's Indiscretion

Tuesday

Buffy took a moment to get her bearings. It was evening and she was standing in front of some sort of hotel. She wrinkled her nose distastefully at the stench of 1880's London. Then she saw him, a man standing not very far away from her. Buffy had wished to be with Spike, wherever he was. The man was Spike's height, with the same wavy light brown hair Spike had the last time she had seen him, though this man's stance was very rigid, and he looked stuffy in his dark suit and . . . spectacles. "Spike?" her voice was shaky.

He turned to her. For the briefest of moments, she thought she saw recognition in his eyes.

"I beg your pardon. Have we met?"

It wasn't him! Even his accent was completely different. Was this William? This bookish, stuffy gentleman? Was that what Spike really was like once? Buffy almost couldn't believe that they were in fact the same person, so to speak. Spike with his soul was still Spike, and not this prudish looking man before her.

"I'm sorry. I guess not," she said contritely, trying to play the part of the lady. "I'm Buffy," she said as she stuck her hand out to him.

He only looked at her oddly for a moment. He must have noticed her confused state. "Miss Wood?" he questioned before taking her hand and bowing over it.

Buffy only nodded, she didn't know where this was going.

"I'm sorry I thought that your boat was arriving from America next Tuesday. I'm sure mother said to meet your ship next Tuesday evening. I do apologize for not being there when you arrived. Have they brought your things to the hotel?"

Buffy shook her head no. "They seem to have somehow misplaced all my luggage. I have nothing but the clothes on my back." What good fortune that he was waiting for someone from America. Or was it? Well, what choice did she have but to play along at this point?

"Oh my! Well that will just not do. We shall take care of it right away."

"No," she stated. "That is quite all right. I'm sure my things will turn up soon enough." Buffy wasn't even sure how long she would be here, but she couldn't impose. Especially if the real 'Miss Wood' made an appearance before she was gone. Then she added, "Anyway, I don't have any money . . . left. So I'll make due for now."

"I won't hear of it. And I just won't have it," he said, with an oh-so-familiar look of determination on his handsome face.

"No, I couldn't really," she said, as he took her arm and began to lead her down the street, which was brightly lit by lanterns.

He stopped and smiled down at her sweetly. "It's all right my dear. Please, let me do this. It's the least I can do since I forgot about your arrival."

She could see the pleading in his eyes.

"I truly feel horrid about the entire incident. What must you have thought, arriving with no one to meet you? So, I insist that you allow me to make amends, for my shortcoming."

What could Buffy say to that? Finally, she gave him a weak smile in return. "All right, but only the bare necessities."

He just grinned at her, though she was certain there was a familiar gleam in his crystal blue eyes.

As they continued to the dressmakers, Buffy took the time to view her surroundings. It was like stepping into a Dickens's novel. The street urchins, the ladies and gentlemen in their finery, even the buildings. Though, she had seen movies of the time period, it didn't do it justice. Well, except for the stench of course. But even that was becoming less noticeable.

He led her a few blocks away, to one of the many fashionable dressmakers in London. Although it was already evening he assured her that there was plenty of time for a fitting.

They entered the small shop. "Mrs. Pier," he called.

"Monsieur! Ah, you bring us your lovely lady friend! No?"

"No." He seemed to say it slightly too sharply. Then he continued, "This is Miss Wood. She is staying at the hotel. Her luggage has been lost and she now needs a new wardrobe," he stated as he looked at Buffy. "Mother believes that you can work miracles," he added, with a small, tight smile.

Mrs. Pier escorted Buffy away to a nearby dressing room. She began bringing in all sorts of clothing. Finally, she helped Buffy dress in a very delicate white lace camisole and petticoat. Buffy looked in the mirror and almost didn't recognize herself. She had never worn anything so beautiful before. This was definitely no Halloween costume.

Buffy was so excited to show William the pretty, lacy dress she now wore, that the moment Mrs. Pier left her to fetch something else, she slipped out the door to where he was.

"Well, what do you think?" she asked him with a wide grin.

William looked at her, as his eyes grew wide. She could have sworn that there was a smoldering look in his gaze. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, as all he could do was ask, "Where is the dress?"

Buffy could feel the heat rush to her cheeks with his words, as it finally dawned on her that she was dressed in nothing more than her undergarments. She had been so caught up in the moment that she forgot where she was. To her, the outfit was just that an outfit. It wasn't even very revealing or anything. But to him, it was a whole different story.

She turned and hurried back to the dressing room, more embarrassed because she made him feel uncomfortable than anything else.

Luckily Mrs. Pier hadn't returned to the room, so only William and she knew of her little indiscretion.

Regardless of the incident, he stayed for the entire fitting. He even helped pick out her outfits, giving her exquisite advice. Every dress he choose for her was divine. Buffy was slightly uncomfortable when she realized just how many numerous outfits he had helped her pick out. Only he assured her that he was doing as she asked and only buying her the barest of necessities, which ended up also including all of her unmentionables.

They left the dressmakers and headed for the hotel, where William secured a suite for her.

Buffy mused over her good fortune and just how sweet William was, to take her under his wing like this and help her in her time of need. She was intrigued by him. Although there was something so much like Spike in him, he was the most endearing gentleman she had ever met. Buffy still wasn't certain where Spike was and how she had ended up with William.


	9. Playing the Part

Chapter Nine: Playing the Part

Spike hadn't been back in London very long. It hadn't even been a day. He had sneaked into his London townhouse and filched some of his clothes. No one could know that he was here. The real, live William was supposed to be at the family's country estate right now with his mother. If any of his acquaintances saw him in London, they were bound to ask questions.

Spike had been standing in front of the hotel debating what to do next. He had made an appointment to see his solicitor in four days. But until then there was very little else he could do - or even wanted to do. He just wanted to get it all over with.

It was while standing on the corner, that he first heard that unmistakably sweet, music-to-his-ears voice ask, "Spike?" When he turned and saw her, Spike couldn't believe his eyes. Buffy, his Buffy standing before him dressed in that dated Halloween gown she had. It was impossible he knew it. But there she was, standing in front of him and introducing herself. She didn't know it was him! Somehow, she had found a way to find him, even through the centuries. Spike was surprised to see her, to say the least, although he almost laughed out loud seeing Buffy in her Halloween costume once again. The last time he had seen her in it, he had tried to kill her. Now that thought was the furthest thing from his mind. No, right now he just wanted to take Buffy in his arms and comfort her. She looked so lost and out of place. The dress was ancient even in this time. He had to do something. Think fast man, he thought. That was when he came up with Miss Wood. All right, he'd admit it to himself that he used Wood's name because he was still smarting from seeing them together at dinner the other night. He couldn't help himself, watching them together had torn through his gut. Spike had to throw salt in his open wound to keep himself in check. He had made up his mind and he couldn't let anything change it. He was doing this for her, and for his dear old mum, he realized. He would save them both from the demon he had become. And he'd make sure that his mother lived out her remaining days in comfort, even if he wouldn't be there with her. Spike had to find a reason to keep Buffy near and find out what she was doing there. The made up 'Miss Wood' was as good an excuse as any, he told himself.

Then of course he had taken her to the dressmakers, which he had enjoyed immensely perhaps even too much. He had never gotten so carried away over mere clothing before. Spike loved watching her parade in front of him, even when she came out in her unmentionables, not realizing what they actually were. It was such a thrill to see her prancing around in all that frilly feminine attire. It had caused his body to react in ways that he had been trying to avoid these last few months. He knew they could never be together like that again. But, Buffy had never worn anything like that back in her own time, and it stirred his blood to a fevered tempo. And bloody hell, she actually seemed to be enjoying it. Spike had never seen her look so elated, like a kid in a sweet shop, allowed to have everything she wanted. Who was he to take away her fun? Spike didn't even mind the steep price he had had to pay for everything. She was worth it, and always would be. Though he had gotten his pleasure from it as well and he was certain that he would continue to do so.

Now he was getting ready for their dinner date, which would be the closest thing to a real date that he had ever been on. William always had a penchant for women who were considered above him in society. Perhaps it was due to his lofty ideas of the gentler sex.

Spike would stop by her rooms at half past ten. He couldn't wait to see her again. Spike had been pacing his bedroom for nearly half an hour waiting for her to be ready. He ran a brush though his hair again, then tried to straighten his necktie one last time. It was at a time like this that he regretted not having a reflection. Even if it was William's countenance she would be seeing. Finally, he felt that he was as ready as he ever would be. Spike hoped he looked like his old self. Even down to his proper white gloves that he had to keep reminding himself, he had to wear. He couldn't have any contact with her, or she'd certainly notice his low body temperature.

Spike left his rooms and headed to Buffy's. He took a deep, unneeded breath before knocking on the door. It was only moments before a nervous Slayer opened the door. She looked breathtaking in the lovely lavender gown. It so became her, he thought, just as he knew it would. "Miss Elizabeth," the words came out as almost a caress. Spike had to stop himself from saying anything more.

"Please, call me Buffy," she smiled.

Spike almost stammered, though he regained his composure and replied, "I think I'd prefer to refrain, from calling you such." He couldn't bring himself to call her Buffy. It would make him forget himself and slip back into Spike's comfortable skin, and that just wouldn't do.

"Why?" she asked, looking confused.

"It's highly improper Miss Elizabeth."

"Improper! How is it improper?"

He leaned toward her and in a conspiratorial whisper proclaimed, "It's much too intimate." Spike held back a smile as Buffy became flustered.

Her mouth opened but she was lost for a reply. Then she finally answered, "But Buffy is my name! It isn't Elizabeth."

He gave her a look, which said 'who in their right mind would name their child Buffy'. "It isn't a proper name, even in this day and age." He gave her a look as though she were daft not to realize it. He looked at her intently for a moment before he continued, "Then I will just have to call you Miss Wood."

Buffy cringed, it was evident that she hated that even more. "Fine if you are determined to call me something, I'd prefer Elizabeth," then as if something dawned on her Buffy looked at him with a knowing smile. "But a true gentleman would call a lady by her proper name."

She had him there, how could he play the role of the gentleman he once was if he didn't give into the lady's demand. Only Spike stubbornly refused to do it. He just couldn't.

"Come in," Buffy said as she moved out of the doorway to let him pass. "I'm almost ready."

"I'll wait out here." When she gave him a quizzical look, he continued, "It's highly improper for me to enter your room without a chaperone."

He saw Buffy's eyes roll with his answer.

"I'll be just a minute," she said.

He had to win on at least one account, didn't he? Spike secretly smiled to himself as soon as her back was turned. He was enjoying this charade. Watching Buffy trying to be polite to his 'improper' answer was just incredible fun for him. He waited for her, as patiently as he possibly could. Finally, she stepped out of her room. "Shall we?" He extended his arm out to her. Spike escorted her down to the dinning room.

As they entered the large, crowded room, he watched her take in her surroundings. Spike loved the look of amazement on her face. And that was just from seeing the inside of the hotel's dinning room. He couldn't wait to show her his London. The city was beautiful at night. Spike wanted to show her the sights and all the beauty 1880's London held in store. Yes there had been progress over the years. But some things never really changed. Like the Tower of London, Big Ben and even Buckingham Palace. He wanted to take them all in with her, to see them through her avid eyes.

Spike was nervous. He didn't even realize it until he was seated across from her. This really was the closest thing to a real date that they had ever had and the first actual date that he had ever been on. He wasn't used to polite chitchat anymore, and never with Buffy. Fighting, yelling, even beating each other up, that he was completely comfortable with, but not this. Not trying to be refined, and calm, sitting across from the woman that he loved.

As they waited for their food Spike was still wondering what she was doing there and how she had managed to find him.

***

The evening passed by at a pleasant and leisurely pace, Spike couldn't remember the last time he had enjoyed himself so much at dinner. So it was with some disappointment, that he escorted Buffy back to her rooms, when the meal finally came to an end.

As they reached the door to her rooms, he asked, "May I see you tomorrow evening when I return from business?"

"Of course! Are you going to be gone long?" Her eyes were intense as they looked at him.

"I should be back shortly after dusk, if all goes well." He held back a grin, as he saw her exhale the breath she was holding. Buffy was afraid for William! Did she know his intent? By her reaction to his being out after dark alone, she had to.

"I will be looking forward to showing you all of London on the morrow," he said warmly, as he gazed deep into her hazel eyes.

"I'll see you then. Good night." she replied, with a gracious smile.

"Good night," he said, taking her hand and bowing over it, before he let her go. He waited for her to enter her room and close the door, before he headed for his own. Too many thoughts were running through his mind, he doubted that he would get much rest at all. All through dinner all he could do was wonder about how she had gotten here and how she had found him. He also wondered why she had even bothered to come after him at all. He had to find a way to get her to go back. Convince her that he was right in what he was doing. But how? Until he figured that out, he didn't feel he had any other choice but to continue to play the part of his alter ego - William.


	10. Faking It

Chapter Ten: Faking It

**Wednesday**

The next night, Spike met Buffy at her door once again. Now that he had time to prepare. Spike was determined to show her as much of London as he could later that evening after dinner.

As they finished their meal he asked, "Are you ready to venture out this evening and see the sights?"

Excitedly she replied, "Yes! I've been looking forward to it all day."

They rose from their dinner table and exited the hotel. Outside the carriage that Spike had procured earlier waited for them.

Spike had the driver take them to all the local sites of interest. As they came to each one, they stopped and exited the carriage. He made sure that Buffy had her complete fill of each site they visited. They stopped at the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben and a number of other places along the way.

_It_ happened when he had taken her to a lovely little site that overlooked Big Ben. Buffy was admiring its beautiful majesty. Spike was admiring her loveliness. He was standing slightly behind her. "You're very lovely," he practically whispered into her ear. He wasn't planning on saying anything to her, but it just slipped out.

Buffy turned to him. With a shy smile she said, "Thank you. And you're very charming yourself." She looked away, and returned to her musing.

"But?"

He could tell that she was struggling with herself, as she turned to face him once again. "William," she took his gloved hand as she spoke. "You're very attractive, and I do enjoy your company."

"But . . .?" he repeated.

"But . . . there is someone else in my life. I never meant to hurt you. We haven't even known each other for that long."

He couldn't help but gaze deeply into her eyes when he asked, "Who is he?"

Buffy hesitated for just a moment. "No one you should concern yourself with."

Spike could see the struggle in her eyes, it was all so clear.

"Do you love him?"

"I'm still sorting things out. If only he'd give me the time to do so," she said wistfully as she turned back to gaze up at Big Ben. Time was running out and they both knew it.

Spike let the conversation drop, he didn't want to hear anymore. He just wanted to enjoy the rest of their time together and not think about what might have been. Even so, Spike thought that it was the most romantic evening that he had ever had. And especially the most romantic he had ever shared with Buffy.

Spike didn't want the night to end. As their evening came to a close he had their driver drop them off a few blocks away from their hotel. He wanted to have a late night stroll with Buffy one last time. It wasn't quite the same as SunnyD, but it would do.

They had only walked a few blocks when from out of what seemed like nowhere two thugs came upon them.

"Hey Mate," the one said to Spike. "Give up your valuables, if you don't want anythin' to happen to your lady friend here."

Spike didn't know what to do. His first instinct was to fight and pulverize these two blokes for threatening Buffy. But William wouldn't react like that.

He didn't have time to decide on a plan of action. Buffy had already made her decision. She turned her back on him and was now pounding on the poor bloke. The man didn't seem to know what had hit him. He was just standing there in a state of dazed shock as Buffy kept on punching him. He didn't even have sense enough to fall down.

Spike was careful to keep his eye on Buffy. When he was certain that she wasn't looking his way, he aimed a few good punches at the fellow in front of him. He couldn't stand having to hold himself back from just pummeling the rotten bugger. How dare these two miscreants attack them? Spike hated pretending to be a weakling. But every time Buffy looked at him, he had to pretend that he was cringing in fear from this lousy blighter. He almost blew his cover as one of his punches landed with a resounding, sickening "crack" as he broke his opponent's nose.

Buffy swung around just in time to see Spike clutch his own face and whimper. He hated it! He hated having to pretend. It was driving him crazy.

The moment she turned away again, Spike landed another couple of quick punches, one to the man's jaw and the other to his abdomen. The assailant fled, just as Buffy's attacker was now doing.

Spike smiled to himself. He couldn't quite believe that Buffy had fought in that dainty piece of green fluff she wore. Surprisingly, the dress wasn't even the worse for wear for it. Spike nearly laughed at the absurdity of the situation, but then he remembered he had to stay in character. William, at least, wouldn't appreciate such a rousing display of violence.

When she finally turned to him, Spike just stared at her with his mouth slightly agape. "My God! What do you think you were doing?" He said to her in a very shocked voice.

"I was defending us!" Buffy huffed as she looked at him.

Spike had allowed his attacker to land a few punches to make it look good for Buffy and poor pathetic William.

"You could have gotten yourself killed," he tsked. "I don't know how it is where you come from, but here in England, that is no way for a lady to behave." His tone was huffy, as he looked her up and down in disgust. Spike was trying to go for the appalled look, but it didn't quite work.

Spike looked at a very down cast Buffy. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "But those ruffians could have seriously hurt you."

Buffy just looked at him with open hostility. She turned and walked away. He heard her say under her breath, "Good going there Slayer. Now he thinks you're some kind of brute."

Spike smiled to himself, that was his dear sweet Buffy, always being too hard on herself.

He could feel the rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins. The fight had gotten him all heated and excited. Adding to that, he could sense Buffy's own arousal. All he wanted to do right now was to take Buffy in his arms and ravish her. Though he knew he couldn't, and shouldn't. Instead he caught up to Buffy and extended his arm out to her. She took it without a single word. They headed back to their hotel in silence.

Spike returned Buffy to her door. Looking down at her, his eyes filled with concern, he finally spoke. "Are you all right? Those ruffians didn't hurt you did they?"

"No. I'm fine," the edge was no longer in her voice, as it had been earlier, though she seemed to be leery of his newfound concern.

Spike was worried about her, he didn't want her mad at him - or actually William. He tried once again to make peace with her. "I'm sorry," he bowed his head for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "It's just that you frightened me." He raised his eyes to hers, "I've never seen a woman behave like that here. Perhaps America is a bit more . . . progressive. I've heard of the things that have happened to ladies out west. And I'm sorry that you felt you had to protect yourself. I should have been the one to stop those hooligans, not you." With a small, tentative smile and a raised brow, he continued, "Do you think you can forgive me . . . a second time?"

Spike knew the moment that she had softened to his plight. He was supposed to be William, and wasn't supposed to have a clue as to who she was. How could she not forgive him for his earlier outburst?

Buffy gazed into his eyes as she replied, "Of course." She picked up on his lead as she added, "Where I come from . . . creatures, like those men, are common. I'm sorry, for not realizing how my actions would bother you."

Spike's smile broadened with her words. "Good. Then may I see you again tomorrow? If you don't have any other plans, of course."

"That would be lovely. I'll even try to behave." She gave a little laugh with that.

Spike grinned at her. Then as per usual, he bowed over her hand and wished her a "Good evening," as soon as her door was closed, Spike hurried to his room. Spending such a romantic evening with Buffy had sparked something within him. An idea was forming in his head, an idea too delicious to pass up. Spike smiled wickedly to himself as his plan began to take form.


	11. Dinner Conversation

Chapter Eleven: Dinner Conversation

Buffy returned to her rooms, her mood slightly lighter than just a few minutes earlier. She really was having a wonderful time. She felt like she was in some kind of fairy tale, with the frilly dresses and all. There may still be vampires to slay but in this time, they already had their own slayer. She had been enjoying this fantasy world she was in. It had been a long time since she could just be herself and not the Slayer. Here, she had no real responsibilities. All she had to do was dress in these exquisite, ultra feminine gowns. All right, she would admit that sometimes, like tonight, it could be daunting to fight in. But then again she really didn't want to fight. What kind of life was that anyway?

William had been right in his admonishments. A lady of her stature - whatever that must be - would never act the way she had, although, the look on his face had been priceless.

Though, if she were honest with herself, the fight had relieved some of the stress and tension she had felt. Only it was replaced by another type of frustration. And when that happened, all her thoughts returned to one bleached blond vamp.

God she missed him.

Buffy had plenty of time to think during the day while William was out. She really was enjoying herself immensely, maybe even too much. Though she knew it couldn't last. She had come here for a reason. She had a purpose and could not allow herself to get sidetracked from that purpose. But she really didn't know where to even begin to start looking for Spike.

She had all of two options - she could either try and find information on Spike's whereabouts, or she could bide her time with William. After careful consideration Buffy had decided that the best way to find Spike was to stay close to William. If William were his intended target, like Monllon had said, then Spike would eventually show himself sooner or later. She hoped it was sooner rather than later.

William was out during the days, on business, though Buffy wasn't too concerned since Spike really couldn't touch him during the daylight hours. She remembered Spike mentioning that William was turned one night after a party. So until there was some sort of gathering, she felt he would be somewhat safe from the vamp. Well, at least for now. William had promised to meet her for dinner as soon as he returned each evening. And so far he had kept his word.

She had had a wonderful time with William this evening, until he questioned her about Spike. Why? Why did she feel so confused all the time? She knew the thoughts she had about him weren't right. They could never be right. She was the Slayer and he was a Master Vampire. It could never be! Yet. Yet.... there had been a time when even she hadn't believed in vampires, monsters or even slayers. And look at her now. Who was to say what was possible? She shook herself out of her musing.

Buffy tried to focus on her dinner conversation with William from earlier that evening, anything to get her mind off of a certain someone. She replayed the scene in her head.

_"As you know Mother is still recuperating at our country estate." William said casually. "I know it's only been a short while since you've last seen her, but she really is looking forward to your company again," he added, with a sincere smile._

_Buffy almost choked on her mouthful of food when she heard that. She didn't know what to say, but to reply, "I'm looking forward to it as well." She hoped the lie wasn't apparent on her face, his statement confused her - Why would she have already met his mother and not have met him? - Until he continued._

_William lowered his gaze to his plate before he spoke, "And now that I've met you, I'm even more disappointed that I was not here when you last visited."_

_How was she supposed to get out of this mess? Buffy fervently prayed she would find Spike quickly, before she had to have a confrontation with William's mother. It was one thing that William didn't know who she was. But his mother had met 'Miss Wood' before? How was she supposed to explain that away? And the whole 'Miss Wood' thing, well that was just creepy. Robin's last name was Wood. And as much as she was attracted to him, being called even 'Miss Wood' just didn't sit right with her._

_The conversation lulled for a short while as Buffy tried to get over his last statement. When her eyes finally came back to his, she took notice of his scar. She hadn't been paying much attention to it until now. Now it seemed to fascinate her, William's scar or actually Spike's. She could almost laugh._

_William shifted uncomfortably in his seat as she found herself continually gazing at that oh-so-familiar scar. The one Spike had claimed he had gotten from the first slayer he had killed. Buffy had to restrain herself from reaching across the narrow table and running her fingertip over the disfigurement she knew so intimately._

_William cleared his throat. "Is my scar so distasteful?" he asked in a hurt tone._

_"What?" Buffy looked at him and then continued as what he said sank in, "No. No, it's very distinguished. It gives you character." Though she smiled to herself as to what bleach blond character that was exactly._

_He raised his scared eyebrow at her, so much like Spike._

_"How did you get it?"_

_William looked thoughtful for a moment as though thinking up an answer. "It was an accident from my youth," was all he would say about it._

_"Really? What happened?" Buffy prodded. She had to know what the truth was behind the scar._

_"I would prefer not to talk about it." When she only continued to look at him, he added, "It's all rather dull."_

_"No. I really would like to know," she persisted._

_With a slight shrug of his shoulder's he took a breath._

_She wondered if he just wasn't stalling, hoping that she would drop, what seemed to be a touchy subject about his scar._

_Finally he replied, "I was . . . playing with something that I shouldn't have been."_

_Playing with something that he shouldn't have been wasn't really an answer, but it would have to do. He seemed rather evasive and was clearly agitated by her question. The man had a right to his privacy. Well until he started prying into her own._

_When he didn't get a response, he gave her a weak smile and said, "I did say it was dull."_

Buffy's thoughts were jarred back to the present, when she heard a noise outside on the balcony. She opened the doors and looked around. Buffy's hopes rose, that it was Spike, she had heard. "Spike," she said, just above a whisper. She didn't want to disturb William, whose room was next to hers. Only, there was no one there. Buffy returned inside to get undressed.

The lacy nightgown she slipped into, only served to add to the contrast of her real life back in Sunnydale. She was starting to feel guilty about being gone for so long. But what choice did she really have? She refused to even think that The First may have already struck or was about to while she was gone. Buffy didn't know what The First had planned or when it was going to strike again.

Buffy was here to bring Spike home if she could find him. She needed Spike and she had to bring him back. She needed him to defeat The First. She had to find him. She just had to. This was already her second day here, and so far there hadn't been any sign of Spike. She wondered where he was and what he was doing. And it felt like time was running out.

She had mixed feelings about this whole thing. If she saved William from Spike then she would be allowing William to die and be turned. And if she saved William from Drusilla, then she would never know Spike. Yet, she would be saving how many countless lives? Either way she couldn't win. Yes, William was sweet and wonderful, a true gentleman in all his trappings, but she couldn't let that distract her from her cause.

Buffy told herself that she couldn't and shouldn't rewrite history. What was done was done. Look what had happened when the Scoobies had brought her back. How many things had changed? Had gone so wrong? She tried to assuage her guilt, for knowing that she would have to make a choice. She would have to choose between Spike and William. Save the human form or save the vamp? Buffy knew in her heart what that choice was. There was no hesitation, not even for a moment. She would have to let William . . . die.


	12. Searching for Inspiration

Chapter Twelve: Searching for Inspiration

Spike returned to his rooms. He took off his spectacles and tucked them in his coat pocket. Removing his jacket he laid it on the back of a nearby chair and headed for his balcony. He needed the fresh evening air to help him clear his thoughts. As if of their own accord, he found his legs slipping over the railing and landing silently on the balcony next to his. Spike watched Buffy through the curtains.

Buffy looked so beautiful, he just couldn't help watching her. He needed the time to gather his thoughts anyway - he told himself. What better way than watching the object of his desire, even if she was just standing in the middle of her room.

He could stay right where he was for the rest of his unlife just gazing at her. Buffy stepped out of his view and he moved to be able to have her back in his line of sight. With his small step, he accidentally stepped on something that made a crunching sound.

Buffy must have heard it too, for she was headed straight for him. Spike jumped back over the railing and slipped inside his room, just as she opened her balcony doors and stepped outside.

"Spike," she whispered in almost a desperate tone.

Spike froze. Did she know? Had she seen him? He didn't know what to do. Then he reached for his glasses. Putting them back in place, he stepped back onto the parapet. She was no longer there. For a moment, he felt relieved. He didn't have to explain anything to her.

The light from her room flooded out the open doors, so there was no way he could sneak back over to watch her. With some disappointment, he turned and reentered his own room.

Spike searched his room for paper and something to write with. As soon as he found what he needed, he made his way to the chair by the window. He lit the lamp on the table next to him, before he sat down and made himself comfortable.

Spike kept his spectacles on, to help him get into character. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. This evening's conversation came rushing back to him. He was still reeling from Buffy's questions about his scar. How could he have forgotten about it? He had had it for so long, it was such a part of him. He knew she hadn't appreciated his evasiveness. But he just couldn't come up with a plausible excuse. Well, at least not without lying - again. And he didn't want to lie to her anymore. He was lying enough to Buffy as is. Not telling her who he really was, as well as making up that whole thing about his mother meeting her before. But he had been getting too comfortable being around her. He had only said the latter to keep them both on their toes. This couldn't last. And he couldn't fall for her, all over again, as William as well. Only he found that very hard to do. Buffy was almost a completely different person with William. She treated him with genuine respect and even affection, he dared to say. She had even called him charming and attractive! Could she be falling for William as well? There had been something in her eyes tonight when she had looked at him, when she had told him that there was someone else. Did she regret it? Did she regret that she couldn't stay here with William? Dear sweet William, who Buffy - his Buffy - was looking adoringly at tonight. He saw it in her eyes, when he was showing her around this evening. Bloody hell! Was he becoming jealous of William now?

God he was disturbed to even think it. No one had wanted William - other than his mother - when he was alive. Why would Buffy be any different? Why would she want a man like William? A man who couldn't even stand up for himself! He ran his fingers through his hair, in frustration. Had he always been such a fool?

Spike shook himself out of his thoughts. He let his mind wander to images of Buffy, to the sounds she made during their more intimate moments. Spike hadn't allowed himself that indulgence since he had left for Africa. He told himself that he was only allowing it now to help his plan along. He needed to be in the right state of mind for it to come together. So, for the first time in a very long time, Spike let himself feel. Really feel everything within him that he felt for Buffy. Then he let William have free rein of his thoughts.

Spike was up the entire night writing. He had come up with the idea and then just couldn't get it out of his head. He had ended up writing pages and pages of bloody awful poetry. Only this time, he intended it to be so. The poems were all about his beloved Buffy, only she wouldn't suspect any of it. He planned to read her some of it tonight after dinner.

He knew it wasn't right to put her through this, but he was evil after all. Maybe in the end, he wouldn't have to tell her he was Spike. Soon he would no longer be in this world and when that happened, Buffy would go back to hers, for she would have no reason to be in this time. Which was why Spike intended to enjoy his remaining time with her, and reading his poetry to her, awful or not, really would bring him immense pleasure.


	13. Poetry 101

Chapter Thirteen: Poetry 101

**Thursday**

Buffy had had a restless sleep. All she could do was think of Spike, and the possibility that she might never see him again. Buffy was certain that he was nearby, only she couldn't figure out where. She had gone out this morning to search the nearby area for any signs of Spike, then again during the afternoon hours. Only she had no luck.

Buffy had tried to take a short nap, before meeting William for dinner, except, the thoughts of last evening still rambled through her head. This was supposed to be simple. The plan was to find Spike and go home. Only Spike hadn't seen fit to show himself. And now she found that she was actually becoming fond of dear sweet William.

Buffy had one of the hotel's lady's maids come up to help her dress and do her hair, once again. Sometimes she truly enjoyed being waited on like this. It didn't take the girl long to help her put on the very lovely pink gown. Her hair also seemed to be done in record time. She gazed in the mirror at her reflection. Buffy still couldn't believe that the woman standing in front of her was the same person. She looked so different, so refined and cultured. But then looks could be deceiving she told herself. Only tonight, she would play the part. She owed William that much after the scene she had caused last night.

There was a light rap at her door. Buffy opened the door to see an overly excited William.

"Good evening," William said in a very cheerful tone.

"Good evening," she replied.

Taking her arm, he led her down the hall to the stairs. As usual, they were headed straight toward the dinning room. After they had ordered their meal William seemed about to speak, but hesitated. Then, with a slight raise of his brow he spoke, "I thought that we might stay in this evening. That is, if you don't object?"

"No. Of course not," Buffy wasn't certain what was on his mind. "What do you suggest we do this evening then?"

With a tentative smile he said, "I thought I might read you some of my poetry, with your permission of course."

William was offering to read her his poetry?! Buffy was slightly stunned. She knew he wrote, but she had never read anything of his. Buffy was more than just a bit curious as to what his bloody awful poetry could actually be like. She beamed, "I would be delighted."

He gave her a quizzical look before asking, "Hasn't your gentleman friend ever written you poetry?"

The question came as a surprise to her. It seemed to come out of left field. "No. No he hasn't. But then, no one ever has." There was a hint of disappointment in her tone. "Why do you ask?"

They were just beginning their meal as he answered her, "Poetry, is the quintessential form of flattery. It's just shocking that no one has every written poetry for a woman of your effulgent beauty."

When she heard him say "effulgent" she had to hide a sad smile. Spike had written "effulgent" in the note he left her. Why did her thoughts always come back to Spike?

William looked away from her for a moment before he continued. "What kind of man is he, this gentleman friend of yours?" There was no denying the condemnation in his tone.

"Gentleman" was the last word that she would use to describe Spike. But William didn't know that. He didn't even know the half of it. And how could she tell him? How could she even begin to explain Spike to him or to anyone else including herself for that matter? Instead, she tried to help him understand her position. "He's a very complicated man. And it's a very, very complicated situation." She lowered her eyes to her fidgeting hands and then raised them to his. "But he's a good man. I know it in my heart. And I'm sure that when he's ready, he'll write me all the poetry my heart could desire." Buffy wasn't so sure about that, but it sounded good. Spike did write poetry, or at least he had as William. Could he have lost that ability when the demon took him over? She didn't think so. But then again, she had never known Spike to write poetry at all. Maybe, he just didn't feel deeply for anything anymore - not even her.

William gazed ardently into her eyes as he stated, "You deserve better than some black heart. He'll never make you happy."

Buffy took offense, she couldn't help it. "You don't know him. You don't know anything about him," her tone was harsh.

William placed his gloved hand over hers. "My dear, when a woman says it's complicated, and that the man is complicated, it can only mean that he's trouble. He isn't worthy of your love. It shouldn't be complicated. Love shouldn't be complicated. If you love someone, and they love you in return, then what is so complicated? No, I'm certain that he can't be any good for you. Please Miss Wood, at least consider where your relationship with this man could lead. Don't be blind to misguided feelings."

Misguided feelings? Could he read her mind? She had been in turmoil all night over her misguided feelings for Spike.

Buffy liked William in that friend sort of way, except when he looked at her with that look that so reminded her of Spike. Then all thoughts of William melted away. She missed Spike, she realized. Here she was having an elegant dinner with William, all proper and stuffy, yet, she could only see Spike. She only wanted to be with Spike. Buffy finally realized that she wanted him to be Spike, not some stuffy upper crust Englishman.

The remainder of their dinner was spent with very little conversation. She didn't know what to say to William. She had no idea how to answer what he had said to her. He was right, she knew it. Only, it didn't change her feeling for Spike. She realized that nothing ever could. Nothing he did or said, could ever stop her from feeling what she did for him. Even if she had yet to admit to herself what exactly that feeling was.

Buffy was almost relieved when dinner finally came to an end. Now all she had to do was listen to William's poetry. Hopefully, he wouldn't feel compelled to put her on the spot again.

William escorted her to a nearby sitting room. Buffy sat down on the settee, before the fire, expectantly.

"If you will excuse me for just a few moments, I need to get my papers."

"Of course," she smiled sweetly up at him. Buffy was still mulling over her thoughts about Spike, and what William had said over dinner.

William rejoined her only minutes later with a stack of sheets in his hand.

"Are you comfortable my dear?"

"Yes," though Buffy would have preferred if he had called her 'Luv'. She watched as he adjusted his glasses, and sat back in the seat next to her.

"Then I shall begin." He cleared his throat, then William read the title out loud, _"My Darling Cecily."_

Buffy almost gagged. William was going to recite a poem about another woman to her? Well, maybe she deserved it for the way she treated him last night. He did seem to be a very gentle soul after all. Buffy sat back and prepared herself for the onslaught. Slayer or not, it still stung hearing him recite a poem about another woman. She listened as he continued.

_Cecily your ways are so delicate_

_Your heart is so pure_

_A butterfly's wings is your touch _

_A gossamer gown your caress_

_You are a true lady in every way_

_No man could resist you tempting allure_

_My darling, my darling forevermore."_

Buffy thought she was going to cry. It was as though Spike himself were speaking the words. Even with the odd accent to his voice. Yes the poetry was dreadful, there was no denying it, but the sentiment was too much for her. William, before he had become Spike, wanted a woman who was genteel, sweet, innocent and pure. It was a blow to her heart, crushing it with every word he spoke. She wasn't any of those things. She didn't know how to even be them, even if she wanted to. That was the kind of woman William wanted, the same kind of woman Spike also probably wanted. Wasn't that a lot of what Drusilla was, before the insanity? Buffy stared into the fire, lost in her thoughts. How long she was like that, she didn't know.

He must have noticed her dismay, because she could feel his gloved hand nudging her arm as he spoke. "Miss Elizabeth, are you all right?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine." She tried to smile at him, only it didn't quite reach her eyes. "It was quite . . . touching. Please continue."

He smiled delightedly at her, "I'm so glad that you think so." For the briefest of moments, she thought she caught a mischievous Spike look in his eyes. Then her heart skipped a beat as he looked into her eyes and continued.

_"My heart beats for you alone._

_When you turn from me_

_It's like a stake through my heart._

_The Blood pounding through my veins_

_With the rushing heat of my desire._

_Your gentle caress is enough_

_To start my heart beating wildly._

_But one kiss from your ruby lips_

_Would set my heart on fire._

_I'd turn to cinder if only_

_You would say you are mine."_

William continued on, his poetry becoming innocently more erotic with every breath he seemed to take. Nothing was ever actually said, he just alluded to the most sensual things she had ever imagined. By the end of his little private poetry reading, Buffy was definitely all hot and bothered. His innocent descriptions of his love only added to her thoughts of Spike. She could see Spike in her mind's eye with every word he said. It was as though William knew exactly how she felt and wanted to feel.

The snug fitting gown became uncomfortable with her increased arousal. She could feel her nipples harden with his loving descriptions. Her breath became slightly more rapid, although she tried to control it. When she felt herself go all slick and wet inside, she was glad that it was William by her side and not Spike. Because Spike would be able to smell her arousal, and she definitely was aroused by the images William was conjuring up for her. The poetry was just awful, but the pictures he created were incredible.

He finished reading the last page he had. William shifted uncomfortably as he turned to look at her. Buffy recognized that look, she had seen it over and over again in Spike's eyes. Did William have any clue as to what he had done to her? All she wanted to do was reach out to him and touch him, kiss him. Only she couldn't and wouldn't. This was William, not Spike. But he was so much like Spike . . .

Buffy turned from his gaze. "That was very stimulating," she couldn't think of a better word.

"Do you really think so?" he asked excitedly.

She looked at him again and saw him slightly smirk as she said, "Oh definitely." Was he proud of himself? Did he actually know what he had done to her? "I think I've had enough for tonight. If you don't mind, I'm going to turn in for the evening." With that she rose from her seat.

William followed, he extended his arm to her. "Allow me," he said with a small smile, and a hint of mischief lurking in his eyes. When they reached her door, Buffy leaned in to kiss William good night, only before their lips met, he quickly pulled away. He cleared his throat as he said, "Good evening." He turned and walked away, before her door was even closed.

Buffy could have kicked herself, as she closed the door behind her. She leaned back against the door. Closing her eyes, she took a deep calming breath. How could she have even tried to kiss _William_? Only . . . Only he looked so much like Spike with that familiar gleam in his eyes. Coming away from the door, Buffy hit her head with the palm of her hand as she silently repeated to herself, _'Bad! Bad, bad, Buffy. William isn't Spike and Spike is not William. No more trying to kiss William.'_ How was she supposed to fix this latest disaster?

Buffy couldn't wait to escape William and his words. After she had berated herself fully, she undressed as quickly as possible. The gown was still uncomfortable, due to her still, fully aroused state. Once she was in her nightgown, she opened the window to let in the night breeze. Her body was still tingling all over from her desire. She so wanted Spike, here and now, to make love to her, to do everything that her mind's eye had seen this evening. His hands on her body, stroking her, touching her. She could feel her pulse pick up with her wicked thoughts. Where was he? What was she going to do? And how could she find him before it was too late? She couldn't wait for him to come to her, she'd have to find a way to track him down. But how? Buffy turned from the window and headed for her bed, her body still trembling with unrequited desire. Why hadn't Spike come to her? Where was he? And how would she ever find any solace without him?

Just as she reached the large four poster bed and turned out the light, she heard a very familiar voice, behind her say, "Hello luv."


	14. Surrender

Chapter Fourteen: Surrender

"Spike!" Buffy turned to him, illuminated partially in the moon light.

What the hell was he doing here? He had asked himself that again and again. As he had changed into his jeans and tee-shirt, he told himself he shouldn't. But did he ever listen? No. It seemed like he'd always be a fool for love.

"Yeah!" He only smiled at her wickedly. He knew what he had done to her. He could smell her arousal and it had been driving him mad all evening. From the moment she had defended him to William, his resolution had begun to crumble. He had stopped playing the part of William when he read Buffy the poetry about her; saying all the things he had been longing to say for so very long. Things he knew he couldn't say any other way. Buffy would have just brushed it off as him trying to manipulate her again. Then when she had tried to kiss him, all of his resolve had finally dissolved.

Now he couldn't help himself, he had had to go to her. However, that hadn't been his intention at all, when he had read her the poetry. No, he had only wanted to give her a taste of the agony he had been feeling these last few months; that never ending sense of longing, of need, for something that you'll never have again. When this was all over, she wouldn't remember any of it. But he would know. Up until that moment when he staked William the Bloody, and ended it all. He would know.

"Why are you here Slayer?" he said as he began stalking her, his eyes never leaving hers.

"I came to bring you home." Buffy's voice was almost breathy as she spoke.

"I am home," Spike proclaimed, with resolution.

Buffy looked confused, he could see the mixed emotions crossing her beautiful face. "Your place is in the future now, not here," she said with firm commitment.

"You're wrong Slayer!" He was livid, anger apparent in his every word, as he stopped in front of her. "William the Bloody was a mistake. A black plague released on this earth, which needs to be destroyed."

"But you've changed Spike. You have a soul now!" Buffy tried to make him realize the depth of that fact.

He reached out to Buffy and caressed her cheek softly. Spike looked at her with a sad smile on his sensual lips. "It was never meant to be." He let his hand fall away when it dawned on him what he was doing. _Damn it, he should just leave,_ he thought to himself, as he turned his gaze from hers briefly.

Buffy's eyes were pleading, as she changed tactics. "Spike, I can't stop The First without you."

He froze with her words. "You don't know what you're saying. The First still has plans for me," Spike said in a highly agitated tone. "To use me against you. Maybe even to kill you." He tried to stress his concern, only she didn't seem to care. He gave up trying to convince her as he said harshly, "Go home Slayer!"

"Spike, you're stronger now. We can fight this. Fight The First together." Buffy crossed her arms in front of her as she stated, "And I'm not leaving without you!" The resolve on her face was something Spike had gotten used to over the years.

He loved the defiant stance Buffy took on when she became so determined. Her small stature made it even more endearing to him. This petite blonde was once again going up against the Big Bad. Except he wasn't much of a Big Bad anymore, was he? No, he was a pathetic shell of his former self, reduced to groveling at the Slayer's feet; begging for any kind of crumb she would throw his way.

Even so, evil or not, this time he wouldn't let her win. He couldn't let her win. Spike's mouth curled into a smirk. "And just how do you plan on going about that luv?"

Buffy picked the amulet up off the nearby night table, and held it in her hand. She took his in her other. "Just like this," she began.

With his free hand, Spike put a finger up to her lips, stopping her in mid sentence. "Buffy luv, don't," he said in a rasped tone, as he took the amulet from her and put it back on the table. The sorrow was reflected in his eyes, as well as his voice. God, he wanted to cry from the agony of it all. "I have to do this. And if it isn't now - like this - then I'll find some other way. You can't stop me."

Buffy reached out a tentative hand to caress his cheek. "Please Spike." There was no denying the heartbreak that he saw reflected in her hazel orbs. "Don't!"

Spike closed his eyes, savoring her gentle touch. He took in a deep unneeded breath. With the intake of air came back the flood of Buffy's scent of arousal. Spike's eyes shot open, his orbs growing dark as he gazed down at his little blonde goddess. He would do anything for her. But not this. He could never do this. It could mean her demise by his hands. And as much as he may have honestly wanted that when they had first met, he didn't now. The contact with her was killing him all over again. "Don't" he whispered, as he reached for her hand and pulled it away from him. Their eyes never wavered from each other's.

Spike could hear her heart beating to a rapid drum, as their souls seemed to battle, trying to find the truth.

"Spike," Buffy finally spoke in a hushed tone, her eyes pleading with his, as her free hand slid up his chest.

It was a soft gentle touch, combined with the caress of her voice; it was enough to push him over the precipice. What was left of Spike's resolve, completely shattered instantly. "Bloody hell," Spike growled as he pulled her into his arms and crushed his lips down on hers. He couldn't help himself. It seemed like so long since he had tasted the honey sweetness of her lips. Not just the few days it had actually been. His mouth and tongue ravished hers, he left her no quarter but to give into his demanding needs. He reveled in the feel of her mouth, of her hot body pressed to his own. But the madness began to subside. This was wrong. So very, very wrong. But it felt wonderful to his yearning, desperate senses.

Spike released her from his arms, as though she were the sun itself. He stepped back, totally disgusted with himself. How could he have forced himself on her like that? God he was evil, always had been, hadn't he? "I . . . I'm sorry," he said in a hushed tone, his breath coming out is small gasps. Spike began to turn from her and leave.

"Don't be," Buffy's voice was breathless as well.

Spike turned back to her, there was no denying the heated look in her eyes. He had seen that look time and again, whenever Buffy needed release. Only this time, there was something different about that look. Something more in it, that he had never seen before. His body screamed for her. The idea of being with her clouded his mind, wrapped itself around any other coherent thought, until only the one remained. Spike needed to leave, to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. Before he did something that he would regret or . . . maybe not.

Buffy stepped closer to him, the heat in her eyes undeniable. Slowly she pulled his head down toward her waiting mouth. The kiss was slow and oh so sensual to his heightened senses. He had never experienced anything like it before. Slow and sensual just wasn't his thing, it never had been, though at the moment he didn't care. Spike slid his arms around Buffy and deepened the kiss.

Spike wasn't sure why or how this was even possible. He never would have imagined that Buffy would ever be in his arms again, at least not willingly. He didn't know if it had anything to do with his soul. Or perhaps it was the added stimulation of the poetry he had read. He and Buffy had never had any kind of romantic foreplay before. It was always the rough and tumble kind of stuff with them. She never would have let him woo her with words, words which seemed to have taken a hold of her, mere words that had brought her to such a state of arousal, long before he ever laid a hand on her. Only he didn't care at the moment.

Their mouths dueled in a highly erotic form of foreplay, for what seemed like forever. Spike didn't mind, or care, he was willing to take whatever she was willing to give him. Just holding her in his arms and kissing her was enough to satisfy him. Or so he kept telling himself over and over again. But, after a short while of savoring the touch of her mouth, his body began to get other ideas.

Spike could feel his arousal pressing hard against Buffy's abdomen. Kissing her, holding her like this just wasn't enough, he wanted and needed more.

Tentatively Spike's hands began to explore Buffy's body. Slowly he became bolder, eventually fondling her bottom as he pulled her closer, his mouth still ravishing hers desperately. He just couldn't resist the temptation of the honey-dew sweetness.

Spike couldn't believe that Buffy was allowing him this onslaught. He was expecting her to push away, fight him, or something. Instead, she was opening herself up to him.

Buffy slipped her fingers through his curly hair, holding him to her. Her tongue meeting his thrust for thrust, their hands now searching one another's body, in the most intimate and erotic ways.

It had been so long since he had held her in his arms this way; so long since she had returned his advances at such a fevered pitch.

Spike needed to be with her one last glorious night, if she'd have him. He began to maneuver them closer to the bed. Buffy didn't stop him. Instead, she actually pressed herself closer to him, as she rubbed her body against his. There was no denying the hard little buds which burned into his chest through their clothing. He gasped with the pleasure she had caused him. Spike pulled his lips from hers, and leaned his forehead against her own. "Buffy luv," he said in a throaty whisper, "I love you."

"I know," was all she said.

"I want you."

"I want you too."

There were no more questions asked. No more words spoken, the only sound to be heard, that of lovers in a timeless dance.

All Spike knew was that he wanted Buffy, the Slayer of his heart_._ This was what he had been dreaming of, being able to love her with his entire body and, now, his soul. For the first time, they would be together, truly together.

Everything seemed more real somehow, more vivid and alive, than it ever had before. Their lovemaking had taken on a quality that he could not even begin to explain. He only knew that what he was sharing with her now, was like nothing he had ever experienced before. The pleasure that he derived and was giving her was beyond what he could have imagined.

Spike just wanted to be inside her, surrounded by her, to drown in the depths of her. He wanted to bring her to heights of pleasure that neither one of them had ever reached before. Bring her to such a state of ecstasy that she'd never forget him . . . even after he was gone.


	15. Silent Night

A/N: To anyone still out there reading this, this chapter has been the bane of my existence for the past five or six years. It has been rewritten, edited, and thrown out, time and time again. This is the umpteenth version, and the best by far. Now that I've finally completed this chapter to my satisfaction, I have every intention of finishing this fic. I hope you enjoy it.

***

Chapter Fifteen: Silent Night

Buffy reveled in the feel of Spike's hands on her, of his mouth devouring her own. This was what she wanted, what she had been craving for so very long, being in Spikes arms. All those naughty little images William had put into her head were still so vivid in her mind. Now Spike was right where she wanted him and she couldn't wait to relive her fantasies in his arms.

Spikes hands caressed her through the thin material of her night rail, causing shivers to run up her spine. He arched her backwards, over his arm, allowing him complete access to her pert breasts. His mouth captured a hardened nipple through the cloth, moistening the fabric around it. The sensation of the damp material against the little nub was driving her wild. Buffy grasped Spike's head to her, as he began suckling her other breast. She had never felt anything like it before. His hand slid down her body to rest gingerly between her thighs. Softly, he caressed her through the thin material, letting it brush gently against her. Buffy gasped as he used her nightgown as a seduction tool against her. The soft touch of the material on her heated skin was maddening to her senses.

Buffy reached up and pulled his head back to hers for another deep and penetrating kiss. She wanted him inside her like she had never wanted anything before. But something was different now, and she was afraid that if she pushed him too hard or too fast, that he'd flee. Instead, she forced herself to let him set the pace and take the lead; no matter how much she just wanted to toss him on the bed and have her wicked way with him, again and again.

Spike's hands gradually slid down her body and began to pull up the hem of her nightgown. Slowly he brought the soft fabric up her body, caressing her inch by inch.

His unhurried pace was wreaking havoc on her already raw nerves. If he didn't take her soon she thought she was going to implode. Buffy's touch became more desperate as her aching need for him grew. She tugged at his dark tee-shirt, yanking it out of his jeans. Her hands slid beneath the soft material and caressed the hard muscles of his back, as they made their way upward taking the shirt with them. As she reached his shoulders, she frantically grabbed at the tee and began pulling it over his head. Their mouths lost contact for a brief moment as he shed the offensive clothing.

Spike was still taking his time removing her shift. He stopped momentarily when she pulled his shirt off, only to pick up right where he left off. He had maneuvered her nightgown to just above her breast, but Buffy wanted it gone altogether. She tried to reach for it herself, but he stopped her. Spike caressed her breasts through the bunched up layers of the gown, forcing a mew of pleasure from her as she leaned into the palms of his hands.

He smiled wickedly at her as he lifted the material over her head and took a step back to admire her naked beauty.

For the first time, Buffy felt self conscious. She instinctually tried to cover herself with her hands. She couldn't believe her response to him, it was as though it was the first time she had ever bared her body to him. Although they had been together numerous times, this time it was completely different. This time, she cared if he liked what he saw and she was afraid that he would find fault with her somehow.

Spike gently reached for her hands and took them in his own. He brought them up to his face and placed a soft kiss in the palm of each one, before releasing them. His eyes were filled with a heated desire and a tenderness that she had never seen before in Spike's eyes. The love that shone in his crystal blue orbs made her melt inside. She wanted him and she wanted him to always look at her in that loving and adoring way.

She smiled shyly up at him as she opened her arms and allowed him to look at her. Spike smiled mischievously as his eyes roamed her body, taking in every inch of her. Buffy, in return, really looked at Spike for the first time. She had never bothered to before. Before he was just an object to be used, to slack her lust, but now, now he was the man she loved. Loved? Was it really love? She pushed the thought back in her mind. She didn't want to think about it just now. No, what she really wanted to do was to get her own fill of Spike, in more ways than one. She smiled knowingly to herself. Thankfully, his eyes were on other parts of her body and didn't see.

Buffy moved closer to him and began to unbuckle his belt. For a brief moment, Spike froze. She looked up into his face and saw the terror in his eyes, before he lowered his head to look at his belt buckle. His hands hurriedly tried to release it, reminding her of a previous moment in time. Her gentle touch stopped him. She hadn't meant to bring back the memory to either one of them. Instead, she pulled his hands from his belt and placed them on her hips, as she reached up and tenderly kissed him. Slowly, she felt the tension leave his body, as desire once again took over. This time, when her fingers reached for his buckle, he didn't make a move. He just continued to kiss her deeply. Buffy finally undid the belt buckle and then proceeded to free the button, before unzipping his jeans. Her hand slid inside the stiff material, as she rubbed her palm suggestively against him. Spike let out a feral growl, as he pressed against her hand. Buffy couldn't stifle the satisfied smile that curled her lips. Her hands slipped into his waistband and began to slide his jeans down his thighs. His long, engorged member was at the ready, as it sprung free from the confines of his pants. Buffy was in momentary awe as she took in the full view of him. She had never once bothered to take notice of even the slightest thing where Spike's body was concerned. Now, she regretted it. She quickly divested him of the remainder of his things, until he stood there, just as naked as she was. Her eyes devoured every part of him. She couldn't help herself. The man was absolutely gorgeous in her eyes.

Spike reached down and lifted her into his arms and carried her the few steps to the large four poster bed. He laid her down gently in the middle of it, before lying down beside her. He turned on his side to look at her as his hands began to freely roam her body, touching her in ways she had never imagined before.

Buffy's body tingled with excitement as every caress heightened her desire. She wanted Spike in such a desperate way, she would have been willing to let him do anything to her, though this slow torture was beginning to take its toll. She reached for him, pulling his head down to hers to capture his mouth, as her hands caressed his body in return.

Spike continued his slow and torturous lovemaking, as his mouth followed where his hands led. There wasn't any place on her body that was free from his roving touch. The things he was doing to her had her whimpering like a child. She needed her release, but he wouldn't give it to her. Instead, he kept bringing her to the brink, only to pull away at the last moment. Again and again, he had her so close to the edge, yet he refused to let her find peace.

Buffy couldn't take it anymore. The torture was bliss, but still torture, just the same. She grabbed at Spike and tried to pull him up to her, but he wouldn't budge. He lay between her thighs as he methodically licked the inside of one, coming ever so close to her heated desire. He just smiled roguishly up at her, as he placed an open mouthed kiss at the juncture of her thighs. He proceeded to slowly crawl up her body, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses in his wake. Finally, he settled between her thighs, right where she wanted him. She thrust her hips upward trying to force her release, but he was ready for her and pulled back just in time, so that just the tip of his manhood grazed her. The smile he bestowed on her was more devilish than she had ever seen before.

Spike leaned down and captured her mouth in a sensually heated fashion that drove her wild.

She savored the feel of his cool skin pressed against her heated body, but she wanted more. She was practically out of her mind with desire for him.

In one fluid motion, Spike lifted his hips and plunged deep inside her. Buffy's shocked gasp was caught in the depths of Spike's kiss. She knew she was ready for him, but she hadn't known just how ready. With just one thrust she was already going over the edge of desire. Her body convulsed and her whole world shattered in mere seconds.

Slowly, she came back down, her eyes opening to see the loving devotion in Spike's own. All that foreplay had done things to her that she never knew were even possible.

Spike leaned down and began caressing her lips with his own. Their bodies were still snuggly connected and she was already ready for him again. And he knew it. She began to move beneath him in an age old rhythm. This time, there was no holding back. They were locked in a primitive dance of desire. There were no more gentle caresses and soft touches, just the ferociousness of two lovers needing each other with a desperate longing.

Buffy tossed Spike on his back, as she gyrated on top of him, seeking her pleasure and his. It wasn't long before he returned the favor and reversed their rolls again, as he drove himself deep inside her, each rapid thrust bringing them closer to another explosion of release.

Spike was like a rutting bull trying to impale her with a desperation born from months of torment. She could see in the depths of his eyes that he was only trying to please her, giving her exactly what he thought she wanted. And oh how she wanted this. He knew her so very well.

Spike was an expert at manipulating her body and bringing her pleasure. He knew exactly where to touch her and how to arouse her like no other man did. It wasn't long before he had pushed her over the edge of reason and she was writhing in delight beneath him. His body strained against hers as she found her own release moments before he did. With one final heart wrenching thrust, he fell on top of her in a cold sweat. His head lay upon her shoulder, his eyes closed from fatigue. His breath was coming out in small gasps that matched her own.

He looked so innocent, with his hair curling over his damp brow. Buffy reached up a tired hand to brush the hair away from his face so she could have a better look at him. She had never seen him sleep before or seen him look so at peace. She felt gratified, knowing that their lovemaking had caused it. She held him to her as she closed her eyes with the picture of his peaceful slumber burned into her memory.

Buffy was exhausted as she drifted off to sleep, only to be wakened shortly later by Spike nibbling at her ear. She couldn't believe that he was up for more, after what they had just shared. This time, it wasn't the slow torture or the rough and tumble, but a meeting of two lovers savoring one another. They touched and teased with their bodies. Caressed and tempted each other with their own needs. This time, it was a gentler, sweeter coupling, like neither had ever experienced before. The passion, heat and desire was there for both of them, but this time so was the tenderness of love. Spike made sure that she climaxed with him, as their bodies shuddered as one, before he collapsed upon her. He rolled to his side and pulled her to him, tucking her head beneath his chin.

Buffy snuggled close to him, she had never felt so wanted and loved before in her life and she didn't want to break the spell. This was where she was meant to be, in Spike's arms, being loved by him. Exhaustion finally took over as she drifted off to sleep in her lover's arms, knowing in her heart that he would never leave her. How could he, after what they had just shared?


	16. The Morning After

Chapter Sixteen: The Morning After

**Friday**

Spike felt the warmth of Buffy's body wrapped around him. He didn't want to open his eyes, in case it really was just a dream. But, it was getting late, or early, as the case may be. The sun would be rising soon and he needed to make his escape before the street below filled with the morning hawkers. He couldn't risk being spotted climbing from her balcony. Slowly, Spike slid his eyes open and gazed down upon his lady love.

Last night had been incredible! Buffy had let him do everything he had always dreamed of doing with her. He still couldn't believe it. He had actually made love to Buffy and she had responded in a way she never had before. The tenderness and passion that they had shared last night was unimaginable. Never in a million years would he have believed that lovemaking could be that intense and soul wrenching, or make him feel like the worst kind of fiend in hell.

He still couldn't get over her response to him and the things she had done to him in return. No one had ever tried to please him before, in bed or out, not like she had. But last night . . . she had done things to him that he had never dreamed of, and made him feel things that he never would have imagined possible. Buffy hadn't held back any ounce of the passion within her. It almost made him weep, just thinking about the way she had worshiped his body last night. She had never touched him like that before or savored his touch in return. He was instantly aroused by the mere thought of it.

Spike knew he couldn't stay, no matter how desperately he wanted to. He'd be more than happy just to die in her arms right now. Only that wouldn't do. It wouldn't stop the things that he had done before. The thought sobered him like a drenching of cold water over his heated body. It was time for him to go.

Ever since his soul had returned his whole outlook on life and Buffy had changed. Before he was turned, he had been an upright citizen with morals and high ideals. He had been everything a mother could want in a son. He had been raised to respect women and treat them like the delicate creatures they were, to believe that sex wasn't something to be done outside of marriage. He had been taught that sex was only for procreation. That it was a duty, not to be taken lightly or enjoyed. Once his soul had returned, he had been in a constant battle with himself over Buffy and everything he had done previously in his undead life. It was tearing him apart inside. And as much as he would have given anything to stay with her, he knew he couldn't. Once he was gone, none of this would have happened. His soul would be free from all his sins. Or so he hoped. Maybe one day, in the afterlife, he would be lucky enough to meet her again. But in this lifetime, he was just an abomination who had to be dealt with before it was too late. Buffy didn't know the half of what he had done, but he did. Every day their faces swarmed in front of him, reminding him what a monster he was. He had to make things right at any cost. And the biggest cost to him would be losing Buffy.

Spike gently pealed Buffy's limbs from his body and slid off the bed. With cat-like stealth he gathered his clothes and quickly dressed, the whole time his eyes remaining on Buffy's nude form. Stepping back to the bed for a moment, he gently brushed a stray strand of hair from her brow. He burned the vision of her into his memory, before turning and leaving the way he had come. He never should have come to her last night. None of this should have happened, and he couldn't let it happen again. No it was much too painful for . . . him.

Spike entered his room, closing the balcony doors and curtains securely behind him. He headed for the other side of the room and as far away from Buffy as he could get under the circumstances. Now what the hell was he supposed to do? "Stupid, stupid, stupid," he whispered harshly to himself, as he pounded his head on the wall opposite Buffy's room. Moments later, there was a loud thumping in return. "Bloody hell." Spike stopped bashing his head against the wall, although he was sorely tempted to continue, in spite of the protest from the neighboring room. He turned and headed for a chair in the far corner. _Just how stupid was he? _He was beginning to wonder. He had always thought of himself as an intellectual, even if he was a misunderstood intellectual. So, why did he allow his base desires to control him? Because he was a vampire? But he was a vampire with a soul now. No, it was Buffy herself that drove him. He just couldn't help himself. He had morals and high ideals about life, love and Buffy now. Only last night . . . last night she had been so aroused from his poetry. He just couldn't help himself, she was like a cat in heat and he couldn't resist the temptation she presented.

Spike could tell himself all he wanted that she wouldn't remember any of this after he was gone. That he was only taking a last bit of pleasure out of life. Who would it hurt, other than himself? That was exactly what it was, pure torture, being so near her, pretending to be his former self. He picked up the pair of white gloves, from the nearby table. They were a constant reminder of his charade as William. Absently, he toyed with the gloves in his hand, as his thoughts continued to wander. Not being able to hold her, touch her . . . . He threw the gloves across the room in disgust.

He never should have gone to her last night. He should have held firm in his convictions, staying the hell away from her, in his true form. Spike kept telling himself that he was only allowing Buffy to see him as William to keep her safe. He wouldn't be able to keep such a close eye on her otherwise. It wasn't like she couldn't take care of herself; after all she was the Slayer. But Angelus was in the area, or soon would be. It was a lame excuse and he knew it. Spike stood and began to pace the confines of his room like a caged animal.

This whole thing was crazy! He had never expected Buffy to follow him back in time. It was just unprecedented. Now, after their lovemaking last night, he was at a total loss for what to do. How the hell was he going to face her as William, after the intimacies they had shared the night before? How could he possibly even look at her without thinking of all the wicked little things she had allowed him to do to her?

Spike's strides became longer and faster as thoughts of his dilemma raced through his mind. He never should have touched her. God, why couldn't he keep his bloody hands to himself? He ran his long fingers through his mussed hair. He was a fool! He knew it.

Dawn had broken hours ago, and he was still pacing. What was he to do? How could he face her after last night? How could he pretend to be William and not touch her?

Spike threw himself across the bed and stared at the intricate pattern on the ceiling. For a brief moment, he wished he could get lost in that pattern and escape his problems. He dozed off to sleep with thoughts of his Slayer running through his head and how she would slay him if she ever knew the truth.


End file.
